45 Friggin Hilarious Tweets

Photo via @GSElevator Twitter Account

Twitter is not only a GREAT tool for stock commentary, but also great for announcing meaningful precedents like THIS and of course for quick wit and humor.

I love following accounts on Twitter that combine humor with finance and politics.

GSElevator is a perfect example of that.

He was recently exposed a liar, but that doesn’t takeaway from his great wit and Wall Street cynicism as you’ll see below.

I am also someone who has long been cynical of Wall Street and the people that build their entire sense of self around it.” So why did he start this twitter account? (this is the great part) He said, “I also thought that despite the disdain out there that exists for Wall Street professionals, people still really have no idea really how bad it is — and how shallow the industry really is, and frankly, how unimpressive 98 percent of the employees are.” Ouch.

So below are 45 of my favorite tweets from his account.

  1. Most girls cannot pull off their attitude. They need to either get hotter, or be nicer.
  2. I doubt alcohol kills more people than it creates.
  3. “Black Friday is the Special Olympics of Capitalism.
  4. The people with the loudest social media conscience conveniently forget that their iPhone is made by slave labor in China.
  5. Some chick asked me what I would do with 10 million bucks. I told her I’d wonder where the rest of my money went.
  6. I don’t have an iPhone case. I’m not irresponsible or poor.
  7. ACA rollout isn’t Obama’s fault. It’s what happens when you elect a President w/o any real-world business or mgmt experience.
  8. #1: Your place in history depends on what you do for others, not what others do for you. #2: I want a place in East Hampton, not history.
  9. When I hear, ‘Got a minute?’ I know I’m about to lose a half hour of my life that I can never get back.
  10. ‘Just be yourself’ is good advice to probably 5% of people.
  11. Columbus Day should celebrate the fact that America was conquered and not ‘discovered’.
  12. When you tell a story, all I can think about is how much shorter it should be.
  13. The Nigerian scammers already have better-working Obamacare websites.
  14. No selfies. Aspire to experience photo-worthy moments in the company of a beautiful partner. http://read.bi/1azXc4P
  15. What’s a ‘non-essential’ employee?
  16. Clearly the NSA doesn’t monitor Facebook. That’s where all the experts are solving this Government standoff.
  17. When someone says, ‘We should get together,’ I always say, ‘Sure. I’ll call you.’ It’s a lie for a lie.
  18. The iPhone 5c is the cutest possible way of saying ‘poor’.
  19. I start every cell conversation with ‘my phone’s about to die’ so they don’t waste my time.
  20. Uggs season. Pumpkin spice lattes. And a new iPhone… It’s the white girl trifecta.
  21. If I only wanted one drink, I’d go for communion.
  22. Before people are allowed to opine about Syria, they should have to locate it on a map.
  23. It’s too bad stupidity isn’t painful.
  24. I could probably still get laid in Crocs.
  25. Now that ‘twerking’ and ‘selfie’ are in the dictionary, I really don’t give a shit how we leave the planet for our kids.
  26. I’d rather be me now, than have been the quarterback in high school.
  27. Most people wouldn’t even be the main character in a movie about their own lives.
  28. Who trusts a system where all the smart people get out of jury duty?
  29. #1: You’re not on Facebook? All your high school friends probably assume you’re dead. #2: Nah. I’m sure they’ve Googled me.
  30. #1: Imagine the feeling of winning the lottery, and then losing everything. #2: I know a few ex-girlfriends who can.
  31. Putin’s been playing chess, while Obama’s been playing golf.
  32. I don’t watch ‘Shark Week’, I live it. #SharkWeek
  33. #1: In the event of a disaster, I’m putting on a tux. #2: Go out in style? #1: To look like the most important person to save.
  34. In the Hamptons, it’s herpès.
  35. The chick working at Subway with the ‘YOLO’ tattoo, taking the bus home… she’s living the dream.
  36. Getting rich isn’t hard. Any hot girl with questionable morals can do it.
  37. If you don’t have an interesting answer to ‘what have you been up to?’, we can’t be friends.
  38. Starbucks needs a separate line for people who have their shit together.
  39. If you can’t get your shit together enough to have a single valid photo ID, why should you be allowed to vote?
  40. From my experience, most people really should have lower self-esteem.
  41. Advice for a daughter depends almost entirely on how attractive she is.
  42. As a shareholder, I have to ask… Is having a book section really the best use of Walmart shelf space?
  43. In Sicily, gangsters kill the kids and grandkids of their enemies. In America, we have Reverse Mortgages.
  44. Sure, I’ll have $6 bottle of Evian with a glass full of ice made from tap water.
  45. Real estate brokers should use Groupon to see who’s about to go out of business.

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  • $HR/RJ

    haha funny :D