This concludes the latest season of the annual Wall Street holiday parties. Thanks in no small part to the popularity of WSW and my book , I’ve attended more than my fair share and I’ve reached one inevitable conclusion: society is ri
ght to look down on people who work on Wall Street. These characters are deeply flawed, they care only about Status, Assets, Possessions and and that’s why they are SAPs. You can see the ugliness in their faces, conversations, values and lifestyle. Are any of them happy? Not that I saw. Are any of them sincere? Not that I met. Rich or poor, nearly everyone I talked to fits into these 5 categories:
1. The Abuser — They’ve had a rough year and they’re just tired of working so damn hard, so they’re gonna abuse the open bar or go to the bathroom and do some drugs. Sure, sure, they know they have to pay their dues, and that eventually it’ll all be worthwhile, but they’re getting tired of how long it takes to get to the top, so tonight they’re gonna let loose. They’ll hit on anything that walks (whether or not they’re in a relationship or married, because if they have anything it’s not going so well, due to the long hours they put in), show off their dancing / singing skills (or lack thereof) and spend what little money they have (or don’t have). Be scared of the abusers, they are great in number and difficult to avoid.
2.The Braggart — They believe that if they are successful in their endless speeches about people they might or might not know and places they may have or have not been (while knowing it’ll be near impossible to disprove anything they say), people will respect them and/or pay more attention to them, do business or have a relationship with them. Maybe, just maybe, they can convince others they’re important and they have self confidence and that people should know them because they’re extra special.
3. The Diplomat — They’ve convinced themselves that it’s inappropriate to ever let loose because this is a business function. They are focused on maintaining their composure at all times, confident that their discipline will help them succeed in the future (gossip / scandal free employees go straight to the top, right?). They’re also the saddest people because if and when (aka usually) their plans go astray, (because nobody trusts somebody that’s never willing to risk embarrassment in the name of fun) they fall hard – strip clubs, alcoholism, drug problems, you name it.
4. The Mingler — They want to meet and greet everyone, never getting too involved in any one conversation or person because that would take too much time away from the ultimate goal of using the party as a networking tool and collecting and giving away as many business cards as possible.
5. The Reminiscer — They stick to a few trusted friends because they believe this time of year is the right time to review everything that’s happened to them, their friends and the industry over the past year. They get angry at those who they don’t know if and when they bud into their conversation, offering up a different viewpoint / diverting their friend’s attention away from the reminiscencing.
I would launch into my own speech in an attempt to get people to change. But what’s the point? After all, nearly all the people listed above will make a New Year’s Resolution to change. Let’s see if any of them actually do change when I recap the holiday party scene next year. Some how I think I’ll just be reposting this same summary with the hope that they will change in 2009, 2010, 2020…
“Wall Street never changes, the pockets change, the stocks change, but Wall Street never changes, because human nature never changes”
Posted in Rants